Blog | Degrassi
- Posted on 04/23/2010 by Mary
This week's advice-seeker says:
"Well, me and my boyfriend have been together for seven months and he's great and everything. It's just that he has a vice that highly concerns me. He smokes cigarettes, and it bothers me.
I just don't know how to tell him to stop I'm afraid he will get upset and ruin our relationship. It's taken a huge toll on our relationship because my parents don't want me to be with him due to that issue. And they are also afraid that I will smoke cigarettes as well, but I'm totally against it so that will never happen.
So the question is how can I tell my boyfriend to stop excessively smoking cigarettes??"
And Sam Earle (K.C. on Degrassi) says...
"A very tricky dilemma, this one's interesting. First of all, I think we can easily agree that even one cigarette is one too many. Without trying to sound insensitive, it is, without question, a downright dirty habit that turns your lungs to swampy mush and that threatens to reduce a smoker to a familiar lump of ash, often at a tragically young age and after much suffering. I think that just about all of us have (or will eventually have) witnessed this first-hand, in something like the death of a family member for example. But the severity of smoking is old news, and so I'm glad you've already made the strong and crucial choice to keep your hands off the cancer sticks.
Yet despite the striking and indisputable nastiness of cigarettes, and no matter how many passionate anti-smoking class projects we do in elementary school, people seem to slip up once they hit their teens.
In fact, somewhere around 90% of smokers start before the age of eighteen. Since I just happen to be a teenager (fancy that!), I've always been inevitably surrounded by this phenomenon. Even one of my closest friends way back from grade one (You guys always roast the way I say that!... Elementary level freshman?) found himself deep in a puddle of smoke a year or two ago. There were definitely times when I asked myself how I could get him to quit - it's a reflex equivalent to the urge to pull a friend off a train track if a beast of a freight train were coming at them (in this case, at an excruciating speed of one mile per hour). I'd love to say that I found a perfect solution, or even any solution at all - if that were the case I'd transcribe it to one of those fantastic tube-shaped wizard scrolls, tie it up with a bow and send it to you by Easter pigeon. However, while my concern might have been appreciated at some remote level, or at least acknowledged (and don't underestimate the importance of the simple expression of this concern!), ultimately, it was his choice to drop the habit. He had the idea, he chose to execute it, he persevered in order to do so. Unfortunately, this was a couple years and a couple weeks in the hospital later, but what's important here is that he's arrived now at a state of mind and state of being far better and more stable than where he was before.
But I digress. When teenagers smoke, it's often a regrettable part of the usual ritual of adolescent self-discovery, an extreme side effect of insecurities and uncertain introspection, as I feel it was for several of my friends. It's understandable then why so many teens would push to the side everything they've been taught about smoking and any opinions they may have developed about it, in favor of personal experimentation: the focal point of young adulthood seems to be the creation of an identity. We are torn between conflicting internal forces: the person our parents and society have raised us to become, and the individual we hope to create independently. If we're clever, we'll find the parallels between these two selves and make reasonable compromises, synthesizing the two in order to determine who we are. Now that's a hefty task, and it doesn't happen overnight. It happens subtly over long stretches of time and life experience. I'm hoping that your boyfriend is still wobbling about in the realm of his identity. Then, the bad habit can become a learning experience; he just needs to accept the lesson it has brought to him and face reality head-on.
Open up to your boyfriend on the subject. Most importantly though, give him an opportunity to open up to you. Try discussing his problem, and don't be afraid to push him to quit.
Hopefully, your discourse will be productive, and he'll be able to move onwards and upwards. If so, then you'll have both grown as individuals and likely as a couple.
Eventually, he'll have to decide if he's a smoker for life or if he's not. If he is, then he has used this decision to define himself as a person, and he may very well be the wrong person for you in the long term. Remind yourself that you'll never be able to change who he is, but you definitely have the power to drop that sucka like a hot potato if he's not the right guy (seriously, if he actually gets "upset" when you confront him - PFFF!!!! - then the relationship was meant to be ruined; you have every right to communicate with your boyfriend!).
Go get'em! And just make sure that you start up the dialogue ASAP - life is short, and communication is your first step on the way to living it to the fullest."
- Posted on 04/23/2010 by Mary
POSSIBLE SPOILERS BELOW! Those who haven't seen the latest Degrassi episode yet, go watch it, and skip this 'til you have.
- How often do you ride your bike? (Emma's got a point... zero emissions; plus cheaper than a car; plus you don't need a license; plus it's good for the butt.)
- Are you a food-sharer or not? (Like do you mind someone else dipping their used fork into your food, or does that gross you out?)
- On a date, how do YOU think the check should be worked out: split 50/50; each pay exactly what they owe; whoever asked pays; guy always pays; or girl always pays?
- Have you ever seen a friend (or semi-friend) do a total overshare online, and quietly cringed for them? Where do you draw the line at what you'll say on facebook or wherever?
- In Europe, a lot of students take a "gap year" between high school and college -- to travel, save money, whatever. And research shows that students who take a gap year do better in college because they're more in tune with WHY they're in school. Would you want to do that... and do you think your parents would go for it?
- Posted on 04/23/2010 by Chairman Nick Cannon
It's TRUE, people! We've got a new Degrassi movie, and we're not scared to use it! Coming soon to your living room.
Now I know y'all are sitting there, getting mad at your computers for not being able to watch the new promo frame by frame by frame, so I had someone pull a couple out for you.
I can't tell you what's happening in these, but I can tell you this: Jay looks smooth. What's up, Jay, who's your tailor?
As for what's up with everyone else... you're just gonna have to wait for the movie, I guess. (But for now, you're welcome to holla at ya Chairman with your best guesses in the comments.)
- Chairman Nick
- Posted on 04/18/2010 by Mary
This week's advice-seeker says:
"i fell for this guy, and he ended up moving. his best friend was my best friend. my best friend was there for me when i was going through all of it and we started dating. now we've been dating for ten months and i love him. BUT, the guy i fell for still sends me texts telling me how much it sucks that we can't be together and we talk about it all the time. i found out he's moving back, and even though i love my boyfriend, i never got to be with the guy that i fell for and i still feel for him so much. i don't know what to do. help."
And Miriam McDonald (Emma on Degrassi) says...
"Two guys, one girl... Uh oh!
You're certainly not alone -- I think at some point almost everyone has felt a little conflicted when it comes to this kind of stuff. But here's my completely un-expert opinion ;)
You say you have a boyfriend who you love. It sounds as if your relationship with your current boyfriend has been great, so please don't let the fact that this other guy is moving back to mess up what you have!
The mystery of what it could be like with guy #2 is intriguing I'm sure, but love triangles are dangerous. If you keep up the text messaging, etc. with guy #2, it's only going to make it harder for you, so I think you should cut that off! Someone is bound to get hurt unless you are clear with both guys on where you stand.
If you focus too much on what could be, you may lose sight of what you have! I think the best thing for you to do is focus on how great your boyfriend has been for the past 10 months and try and put this other guy out of your mind for the moment... as hard as it may be!
I hope this is helpful!
All the best,
PS: If you have an advice question you want answered in the blog, let me know. We might pick your question to send to a Degrassi star!
- Posted on 04/17/2010 by Mary
Besides the fact that Landon Liboiron is the one wearing it, I feel like Declan's wardrobe deserves a hotness shout-out of its own. Last night's green sweater was great, but I will never ever forget this outfit from Love Games...
The silver tie, loosely knotted around a clean but not too crispy white shirt. The green and grey striped hoodie that brings out his eyes, plus looks like it smells really good.
Do any boys you know dress like Declan from Degrassi? Are you going to marry them?
- Posted on 04/16/2010 by Mary
SPOILERS BELOW... but if you saw the latest Degrassi episode, let's dish.
1) It just occurred to me: Jenna's only real friends were Alli and Clare who basically hate her now; and K.C. barely has friends either. They are marooned on relationship island, and is it me or is it already tense on like, day 2? What' s going to happen with them?
2) Fiona has issues. What was with that licking the coffee cup?
3) Though, I did go "Aww" when Declan said "When you're not happy, I'm not happy." Are you that close to your brother(s) or sister(s)?
4) Alli seems to want Clare to be more mad at K.C. than Clare actually is. She looked like she kinda wanted to be there for him when she realized he was going through such a hard time. Is that just the heartbreak talking, or do you think they can be real friends after what happened?
- Posted on 04/15/2010 by Mary
This week, Landon Liboiron (aka Declan on Degrassi) gives us 5 answers.
What was the first rock show/concert you ever went to, and what was the BEST rock show/concert you ever went to?
The first official concert I went to was Corb Lund. I haven't been to a lot of concerts, so I would have to say Jason Mraz put on the best show I've seen.
What makes you cranky? And what gets you un-cranky?
I get cranky when a fly buzzes around your ear when you try and sleep. No matter how much you swat at the thing it doesn't get the point to leave.
Watching a movie or playing guitar usually soothes me out if I'm in a bad mood.
When you doodle, what do you draw?
I don't know, whatever is in my mind at the time...
What do you think makes a good Degrassi episode?
I think kids going through what kids do makes a good Degrassi episode.
And a user question from equinegal5: How have you changed since joining the show?
I feel that I have. I feel like I'm more confident as an actor because being on a TV series forces you to work harder and be prepared. I also have a group of friends that have made my life different and more exciting. Good question.
(Hey, btw, If you have a question suggestion for a Degrassi star, let me know, k? K!)
- Posted on 04/14/2010 by Mary
There's a pretty interesting Degrassi debate going on right now:
"ughh!! I HATE JENNA! shes a sluut!" -icegirl111
"I wouldn't say she's a slut, I'd say she's a homewrecker." - Sner2000
"isnt a homewrecker a slut?" - junior08A
"Uh no. Slut = has multiple partners. Homewrecker = Someone who intentionally ruins peoples relationships. I don't think she's either. Maybe she could be considered a homewrecker, but I think she genuinely liked KC." - ispinnerrr
My personal contribution to the debate is fourfold.
1) While I personally agree with ispinnerrr that the term "slut" is usually used to mean "promiscuous female", and that I can very easily picture a "homewrecker" who is not promiscuous...
2) I'm not sure that "genuinely liking" the boyfriend you steal makes it not a homewrecker situation. What do you guys think?
3) Also, I feel the overwhelming urge to quote Tina Fey in Mean Girls: "You all have got to stop calling each other sluts.... It just makes it ok for guys to call you sluts." Especially since people don't tend to call promiscuous guys "sluts", and definitely not with the same venom they reserve for promiscuous girls -- the ol' double standard. Which brings to mind...
4) A question: can guys be "homewreckers", too? Would anyone call a guy who stole someone's bf/gf a "homewrecker"? I've never heard it done, but maybe you have? Or maybe you have another pet term for a guy who steals someone's bf/gf?
- Posted on 04/10/2010 by Mary
I just noticed in the Degrassi schedule, there's a little unofficial Marco-fest going on...
- The one where he comes out and Spinner shuns him
- the one where he battles Alex for student council
- the one where he comes out to his dad in front of the whole school
- the one where he and Ellie kiss
- the one where he finds out Dylan's been cheating...
Starting at 4 p.m. et, it's a very Marco kind of Saturday. Sooo many haircuts! Enjoy!
- Posted on 04/10/2010 by Mary
K.C. thinks he and Clare "can't be happy together" and were "just too different." Or maybe he was just more into Jenna, and 15 years old, and that was enough reason.
If you've ever done the unenviable deed of ending a relationship... how did you know it was time? And did you make the right decision?